Sometimes, the people who make the most difference to our lives...........are the people we barely know, sometimes they are the shadows in the tiny alleys that we overlook, sometimes they are the friendly smiles in the tiny by lanes of the road we like to call life.
There was this person..or rather still is.......I'll call her S for now...I'd like to believe that our meeting was fated. It started of as a casual meeting at a corner in front of a coffee shop....things led to another...and we found ourselves hurtling towards an unknown future at a very fast pace......why am i telling you this? Because this person irrespective of what she was, who she was......made me ask myself one of the most simplest of questions that I never bothered about. "What are you so afraid of?".
We went our seperate ways. I was blind...and arrogant....i refused to see the signs, made her feel horrible about herself.
The fact that we parted is not what bothers me. It's knowing that she has not forgiven me that does the job. And that very fact, does not allow me, to forgive myself.
What used to be face to face walks in the evenings after a long day have now been reduced to comments on blogposts that are as good as invisible....
Irrespective of what was.....I lost a friend....and somehow...my life feels incomplete without her being a part of it....in her own small way....
She might be reading this, she might not.......but if she is, I'd like her to know, that her absence at times feels like a small vaccum trying it's best to suck me in......and that even if she does change her mind...forgives me for my mistakes, I know she will never forget....and that it will be a cold day in hell before i can forgive myself compeltely.
The problem with looking around for something you can't find is.......that you forget what's in front of you....she taught me that...and I'm grateful.
She celebrated her birthday recently.....and incase she has changed her phone number, and didn't recieve my text.... I'd like to wish her a belated happy birthday as well.