Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Anger management?


I love you my rage. I love how you make me feel. I love the way you intoxicate me and turn me into something that I fear. Something that people fear. I love the way you help me get through and get over situations in an instant. I love how you tire me out. I love the sour taste of adrenaline that flirts with my tongue when you posses me. I love everything about you. And I know you love me too. I love how when we’re together, I can do things and think of doing things that were impossible otherwise. I love how you seep in unexpectedly and make me smile. I love the lack of emotion or feeling within me, when you take over. I love the clarity of thought that you bring. When you’re there, I remember every detail in vivid slow motion. I want you to stop teasing me, my rage. As much as I love you, this cannot continue. We’re meant to be together. You know it too. Why do you wish to fight it? Let it go. Let us be one. Let us conquer the planet. Let us live together. Let us perish in each other’s arms, for we both know so well, that it is better to be feared, than to be loved. 

Yes I must admit, you are exhausting, you do come at a great personal cost. But it’s worth it. You’re the only true friend, the only true lover. You've always been there for me. From the time when I was three years old and the other kid in the sandbox hit me with his spade, to the time when those spineless idiots ganged up on me and put a knife to my throat, to prevent me from being with the girl I wanted to be with. You were there when I was let go in the name of an economic crisis. You helped me move forward. You even made sure I didn’t regret something like killing that bastard. You were there when I didn't get what I wanted and helped me enjoy whatever I had. I've always banked on you and you’ve never failed. 

It’s time my love that you take over completely and let me become the true me. Let me be myself , be the stronger me. No person, place or substance can match you or compete with you. I detest the people that keep us from being together. I detest the feelings that they bring. They’re all that is material. They shall all perish. But we’re one through time and space. Come rage; let us consummate our relationship that has lasted for so long. Take over me and take me to places beyond my imagination. Awaken me. I need that rush. Give me that hit. Just one last hit…..because you are the only thing that is real. This world and its entire people, all the relationships and all the transactions, they’re all nothing but one great illusion. There is no right and wrong. You’ve taught me that so well. There is only power and those who aspire for it. Come. Make me all powerful, you the omnipotent and omnipresent. For when you are with me, I am the juggernaut; an unstoppable force. Even God fears me. I’ll ask you nicely if you wish. Or I shall grab you by your hair and drag you to the altar. I cannot wait any longer. Come. I summon you. Let us make the heavens thunder and the earth shake with fear. Come. I’m asking for the last time…..

"Holding on to anger is like grasping hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else"

 "The mind is everything. What you think, you become"

                                                                                                                                    - Buddha



Recent studies suggest an increase in the number of people seeking advice on anger management, which is not surprising considering today's lifestyle. Studies also suggest chronic rage being addictive and having effects similar to Methamphetamine. Having had serious anger management issues myself, I fully understand what it is like. This post should not be taken personally, or be read in context of any person dead or alive, place or incident.  Anger and resulting episodes of rage are perhaps the strongest defense mechanisms to protect the personality from an intolerable attack of anxiety when the one's ego is under siege. 


IceMaiden said...

Anger management. Sigh.

What do you do when your rage, turns you into someone you are not, or rather, someone you never imagined yourself to be. Someone that people hate, that people can't stand? Hmm.

Its like you fucking speak my mind, every single time you write. Damn you boy.

UjjwalRaaj said...

@IceMaiden :

If you actually think about it, your rage doesn't turn you into someone else. It just brings out the best and the worst in you... exaggerated.. yes... but it's all a part of you... and the point where people can't stand you, you just apologize later... because while you're in that state of mind, you shouldn't really give a shit.

Doses of anger are very healthy. The more intense the better.

trusha said...

this one made me smile. was it because i could identify or because it was so well written, i don't know. M curious to know what inspired this one.

Meher said...

Fuck the things that anger makes you do. The worst part? I believe my anger, always, is more or less justified. And contrary to what others say, I feel it's still underplayed. Am I weird?

Anjali Krishna said...

I have been following your blog from a long time. Haha it's a coincidence but I wrote a blog post with the same title.
I could relate to this.

Zeebs said...

Oh my god. Don't I know this. I've been unleashing the monster this whole year... so much that now it's taken over me. I am the goddamn monster.

Oh well.

Better out than in, I say.

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