"Does the sun rise or does it set?
How can you tell which from which without looking in the right direction?"
Dear old me,
I've been wanting to say things to you for a very long time. Indeed. I accuse you of being a rampant sentimentalist, one who remembered details too well, one who cared too much. I accuse you of making the mistakes that have turned me into what I am today. A cynic. A pessimist. A realist. Yes, times were hard,but you were surely made of sterner stuff. You need not have have collapsed like a house of cards having the wind blown towards it. If you focussed on bending and weathering the storm then you may not have broken. You would not have been a tattered mess that you were.The fact that you let people take advantage of you, leave you in the middle of a crowd, disgusts me.
But, having said that, I miss you, your innocence. I miss your optimism. your satisfaction with work.I miss you being true to yourself, and not succumbing to the error of believing that your potential and capabilities were limited. I miss you and your dreams, and the belief that you could achieve, the belief that you were meant to do something in this universe. I miss your belief in happy endings. I miss your attention to detail...be it the smallest of things, a stray mongrel that wagged it's tail when you patted it's head,The face of an old man of religion on the street you gave alms to, the smell of sweet incense that you lit in the temple in evenings on occasion.... or a tiny black spot on the back of a lover that once was, that you traced your finger from the nape of her neck.The one that you believed would be yours forever.
What went wrong? Why did you react the way you did? Did you learn nothing from before? Life gives you happiness...at a cost....why did you not read the signs? Or was it because you weren't aware? It doesn't matter.
I forgive you. All your misgivings. All your errors. All your malignancies.All your mistakes.
For today I am a better person, with my eyes opened wide because life tore open yours. Stronger because of your wounds that healed with time.. And for that I am grateful.
The person that you have become.