Friday, August 20, 2010

An open letter to the person I once was.

"Does the sun rise or does it set?
 How can you tell which from which without looking in the right direction?" 

Dear old me,

I've been wanting to say things to you for a very long time. Indeed. I accuse you of being a rampant sentimentalist, one who remembered details too well, one who cared too much. I accuse you of making the mistakes that have turned me into what I am today. A cynic. A pessimist. A realist. Yes, times were hard,but you were surely made of sterner stuff. You need not have have collapsed  like a house of cards having the wind blown towards it. If you focussed on bending and weathering the storm then you may not have broken. You would not have been a tattered mess that you were.The fact that you let people take advantage of you, leave you in the middle of a crowd, disgusts me.

But, having said that, I miss you, your innocence. I miss your optimism. your satisfaction with work.I miss you being true to yourself, and not succumbing to the error of believing that your potential and capabilities were limited. I miss you and your dreams, and the belief that you could achieve, the belief that you were meant to do something in this universe. I miss your belief in happy endings. I miss your attention to it the smallest of things, a stray mongrel that wagged it's tail when you patted it's head,The face of an old man of religion on the street you gave alms to, the smell of sweet incense that you lit in the temple in evenings on occasion.... or a tiny black spot on the back of a lover that once was, that you traced your finger from the nape of her neck.The one that you believed would be yours forever.

What went wrong? Why did you react the way you did? Did you learn nothing from before? Life gives you a cost....why did you not read the signs? Or was it because you weren't aware? It doesn't matter.

I forgive you. All your misgivings. All your errors. All your malignancies.All your mistakes.

For today I am a better person, with my eyes opened wide because life tore open yours. Stronger because of your wounds that healed with time.. And for that I am grateful.

The person that you have become.


Shivangi Sud said...

I don't know if you'll understand what I'm saying.. But you're better off as the old you. Pity.. You've never really gotten down to understanding how to be the person you want to be.

Shivangi Sud said...

Innocence, satisfaction, optimism.. Do they exist in your world anymore?
And probably.. the only problem that you had could have been solved!

UjSen said...

Who said it was about me? :)

Shivangi Sud said...

Lol. And give me three good reasons why this isn't about you.

hopelessly flawed said...

no comments ;)

nil said...

After reading this, probably I remembered a side of this "person" that I hadn't seen for a while. Or rather missed.
He's been so busy trying to find something or the other, when actually all of it was right beside him- but in that craze of just goddamn looking for it, he over looked what was right infront of him, oblivious to anything at all.
Yes, he has been oblivious. Yes, he has been a cynic. A pessimist. But being a realist wasn't a bad thing- but seeing only the worst side of reality- was where he went wrong.

He needs to figure that saying Goodbye to that Old Him is probably another of his mistakes that he's doing, and that it's not just him who misses that Old Him..

Shivangi Sud said...

"He" took advantage of people. Isn't it fair that he got what he sowed into the ground. Karma. YOU mentioned it to me once.

He wasn't left in the middle of the crowd. He simply couldn't find... rather SEE another place, another way. When something new would catch his eye, he would walk towards it. And then.. he would walk back only to find that no one was waiting.. "Those People" had walked on miles ahead of him.

He preferred living in a bubble. HIS bubble. A bubble that had to pop one day. He shouldn't have blamed it on life. And when the bubble burst, he shut his eyes.. even tighter this time.. seeing things through a dark veil of negativity that he mistakes for the real picture.

Not reading the signs... and being unaware were his faults.. The cause!

And his eyes have shut even more.

Great Work of fiction Ujjwal! :)

This should have been my first comment but I just read it properly.

Anonymous said...

I think it is safe to say that many of us miss the old you. Tiny black spot...dude I know you're referring to Rhea. Will you ever get over her?

UjSen said...

It's pure fiction. Inspired by someone I know pretty well.


Rhea? How'd she come into all of this?

kanika said...

You know...
This is one of my favourite blogs.
And this is one of the most brilliant pieces I've read in my life.

Disguise said...

You know it. Something so deep can never be fiction. I love Mr. Anonymous :) I need to talk to you about this.
But you need to know that come what may, I'm your friend. A good one at that, and there's no going back.

PS- I'm going underground for a while. Deleted my facebook account, and switched my phone off.

UjSen said...

IT IS FICTION....going by standard psychology, every expression has deep roots in the human subconscious, going by that nothing is fiction.

Thanks Kanika! :)

And Why dishari?

BooBanga said...

This is amazing.
We all change. And the person mentioned above, just isn't able to understand who he should be. Or rather which part he discovered of himself that struck hard. :)

Jessi Haish said...

I enjoyed this; thanks for linking me to it