victory.

THEN :

Him: *Sports day* Dude, you're a fat loser. You can NEVER run. Or do anything that requires you to move. You stick to your stupid mastermind India and the rest of those books that will never really get you anywhere.
I'll chew on my white keds if you  beat me.

Me: sigh

NOW:

Me : *Sports Day-After winning silver in 800 mts, bronze in 200 mts and 100x4 Relay, and silver in 100mts*
CHEW ON IT BITCH. AUR LE B****  KE   LO*# .

Him : *makes weird noises cause he has a shoe being stuffed into his mouth by yours truly* Dude what the fuck?!


THEN:

Them: Dude music isn't your thing. Maybe you should stick to your quizzing.....the know it all that you are.....

Me: But I really like my tabla and my guitar!

Them: Yeah sure, you can like it all you want, if it keeps you happy....just keep it as your hobby...in your room....

Me : *ego wounded seriously*

NOW

Them : Dude can you teach me the guitar/drums/keyboard ?

Me :  No. Not unless you pay me 200 bucks for an hour.

Them : You're charging from friends? You don't even teach. wtf.

Me : Yes. Precisely. Your point?

THEN

Him : I'll chew on my socks the day you get yourself a girlfriend.

Him two : Socks? I'll wear bangles and make up for a day.

Me: *nurses wounded ego*

NOW

Him : Dude how could you dammnit, she's my girlfriend for God's sakes. Where's your dignity man? You've got no self respect.

Me :YOU dumped her...not the other way around..that makes her your ex...and if you were that great a boyfriend she wouldn't have agreed to lunch with me in the first place let alone the rest. And I swear I didn't know. She never told me.

Honest.

Him two : Stay the hell away from her you asshole. If she talks about you one more time, I will beat you so bad you won't recognize yourself.

Me: That's not what she told me last night.  >:D


THEN

Dad: One day when you turn 14 I'll teach you how to drive.

Me: *Eagerly waits to turn 14*

AFTER TURNING 14

Dad: 14 is too young wait until you're 16.

SIX MONTHS BEFORE MY 17TH BIRTHDAY:
(by this time I had learnt to drive courtesy  bade bhaiyya log and a driving school called texla)

Dad : You're never touching the cars. Not until you're 18. Besides you don't know how to drive.

Me: *eagerly waits to be 18 *

NOW

Dad : You're never touching the cars. Not alone. Not until you've got your own.....or you get married. Whichever one is sooner.

Me : *gives up, calls friend who cannot drive* Gaadi Nikalva beh##cho*d, KFC chalten hain.

THEN:

Me : *in the library* SShhhh.......keep it down.

Others: Who's this tard?

NOW:

Me : What's my name?What's my name?WHAT'S MY NAAAME?! oh oh oh  My name is sheilaaaa sheilaa ki jawaaani, I'm to saaaxy for you........

Others: *continue with the song* while we dance around our librarian .

Then And Now

THEN

Me : Hey listen......uhm...I was wondering if you were free on saturday...you know we could go for a cup of coffee or something....

Her: Oh...uhm....er.... yeah I don't like coffee....

Me: Drinks then? or maybe pizza? 

Her: I think I"m busy on saturday...

Me: Tuesday then? Cause I know you're relatively free on tuesdays.....

Her : uhm...I'll let you know yeah?

Continues until girl makes it very clear that there are more chances of  Bush winning the Nobel Prize than I have chances with her. Rejection changes a person. 

NOW

Me:  Jesus Christ, you've been eating healthy.

Her : *Gives confused and concerned expression withh bits of fear*  Excuse me?

Me:  It's not bad you know,  size zero is a turn off. And I'd rather do a plastic doll.

Her : I'm fat :'(

Me: It's a relative term really. All you need to do is work on your shoulders, and a bit of cardio that's all and you'll have everyone's attention. Right now it's .....almost everyone.

Her : So......are you one of them?

Me: *raises eyebrow*  You............ want me to be? 

Her :Haha oh please. Lets go get something to drink....?.

THEN

Me : *takes a drag of friend's cigarette* That felt good. 

Her: Eww. It's so disgusting. It's bad thing.

Me : Sorry. Won't do it again. So what's your name?

Her :  sh**#*. Can you do me a favor and get me that bowl over there?

Me: Sure. * Fails to make conversation with her again.*

NOW:

Me: *Takes a drag off a friend's cigarette. Asks for a fresh one.* 

Her:  *to my friend who she knows well* - Smoking is a bad habit. It's not very nice.

Me: It's only  bad if it's a habit. 

Her : *amused expression* Haha. True. 

Friend feels left out and goes gets something to eat. 

Me: Can't argue with that now can you?

Female friend : Stop flirting with my friend.

Me: We haven't got to that yet. Introduce us?

Female friend : zzh**## this is Ujjwal, I know him through blah blah blah.. Ujjwal this is -

Me: The most exciting thing that's happened to me this evening. Excuse us? * wink*

Bull's eye.

Lesson learned :  The less approval you seek the less bothered you are about her name. The more action you will get.** More on this later.

Note: **does not apply to those in committed relationships.Assholeness gets you fucked over. Learnt the hard way. Applies to the initial stages of you wanting to score. xP